Once upon a time there lived an unhappy young girl called Cinderella – but that is another story. This tale is about her little-known brother, Sendafella, a lackey to Crackerjack the very same ugly sisters his own sister slaved for. He was a young man who also lacked wealth and fame (finding even covering the rent to be a chore), and was widely known for his lackadaisical approach to life.
A dreamer, much like his sibling, he, too imagined a life of luxury and indolence, if he were a prince. In dreams he envisioned an angelic Princess Charmaine or Charismatic or similar, swooning at the very sight of him – dressed in white satin and lace and snuff and stuff.
Now, if you look carefully into the shadows in the background of any picture of good old ‘Cinders’ near the big fireplace, you will see him. Yes, that IS him (and you thought it was just a smudge in the corner!). No, no – Sendafella doubled as a chimney sweep, as well as general handyman and dogsbody, which tended to make him blend into the scenery.
So there he was, lurking in the far corner, when the Very Fairy Godmum twirled into the picture to transform Cinders into the fabled Princess – and a part worm-eaten pumpkin into a coach of wonder and delight – when Sendafella inadvertently became an actual part of the pandemonium of this muddled miracle. HIS transfiguration was into a coachman for the pumpkin (er..sorry..coach of wonder and delight!) – dressed, of course, all in white satin and lace and snuff and stuff (see… dreams really can come true, Dorothy!).
The veritable ‘royal‘ of his dreams was known as Princess Champagne – a bubbly, somewhat busty blonde, known for her bawdy behaviour when under the influence (at all other times she was quite beautifully behaved!). Together with their siblings, they all wined and waltzed, feasted and flamencoed, toasted and two-stepped, supped and sashayed. And when the band played ‘Waltzing Matilda’, they mysteriously managed to sing along with the words from ‘I Could Have Danced All Night’.
Suffice it to say that a good time was had by all as the night progressed, until that fateful chiming of the midnight hour – when Sendafella also needed to make a hasty retreat, before transitioning into something far less grand (like a chimney sweep?). Destiny dictated he take the fire escape stairs (also known as the tradesman’s exit), seeing he was supposedly the ‘hired help’. As he embarked on this fateful journey, he was blissfully unaware of the Doom that awaited him.
He tripped!! And to his great consternation (and more than a little discomfort, too) – both of his arms broke off – and of course, because of his ‘handies’ being attached to his ‘armies’, no-one would ever have the insensitivity to ask him to use Handy-Andy again (which would actually turn out to be quite a personal blessing). But wait, is that another topple from too much tipple we witness? Oh no! His legs have become totally disjointed, and now he’s leaving the joint legless!!
Can’t anybody help this hopelessly hapless chap? This is unbelievable! On the very last step his body is parting company with his head (the most severe case of Alzheimer’s yet seen – he’s lost almost everything, now!). So the poor little head that was once a complete, regular type Sendafella, rolls over to the carriage, up onto the driver’s seat, and with brains still intact (for now, anyway), drives his ‘blister’ home.